thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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