I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
