at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
