proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
