I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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