I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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