and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
