just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
