New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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