So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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