I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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