I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
