She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
