Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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