sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
