I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
