When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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