ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
