found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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