things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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