Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
