My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
