We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
