Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
