piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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