I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
