just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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