i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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