I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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