Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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