The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
