We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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