he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
