i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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