Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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