Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
