This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
