Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
