I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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