i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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