I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
