His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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