I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
should my penis look like a turkey
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
