I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
