I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
