she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
