After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
