Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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