ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
