I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
