it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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