He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think i have herpe
just one?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
